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I'm drinking mango iced tea. It is good.

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Read this, because I said so. :)

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I'm thinking about writing a letter to the flute teacher telling her that I won't be in school next semester either. I think I'm close to accepting the fact that I'm going to be throwing away eight more months of my life. But whatever. I have too much unresolved crap floating around in my head. My flute playing is crap right now. That needs to be nursed back to health, and jumping into a graduate level performance program is probably not the best way to do that. Face it, I'm a total screw-up, and it is entirely all my fault. I let myself get like this. Waiting around for someone to fix it won't help. I need to fix myself. It may indeed take eight months or so. I've spent my life putting up a facade of being the brain, the dedicated musician, the "perfect" one. At least that's what people must have seen when they saw me. If they saw me at all. Now, take the facade away, and there's nothing underneath. Only a shadow.

I was sublimely happy yesterday. Really. I am thankful for that. But that was yesterday. Oh well. Tonight I get to make an appearance at the Sears Christmas party. There will be alcohol involved.

Well, now I'm going to go read my silly book (seriously, did Jean Auel have a five year old write "The Shelters of Stone" in her place?), drink my mango tea, and listen to my new Radiohead CD, the one that I braved the music store on Black Friday for. That will be my day.

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I hate to be annoying and post lyrics on here. But I as I have said before, this song just makes sense to me. That's all.

"When you were here before/Couldn't look you in the eye/You're just like an angel/Your skin makes me cry/You float like a feather/In a beautiful world/And I wish I was special/You're so fuckin' special/But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo./What the hell am I doing here?/I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts/I want to have control/I want a perfect body/I want a perfect soul/I want you to notice/When I'm not around/You're so fuckin' special/I wish I was special/But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo./What the hell am I doing here?/I don't belong here.

She's running out again,/She's running out/She's run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy/Whatever you want/You're so fuckin' special/I wish I was special.../But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,/What the hell am I doing here?/I don't belong here./I don't belong here."

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