(Note: Wasn't something like this an NFL commercial fairly recently? I'm not a pro football fan, but we all know that even that is better than BASKETBALL.)

Anyway.

The *Real* Psalm 23:

The Lord is my football referee; I shall not want for nachos on college football Saturday.

He maketh me to eat nachos at the game: he leadeth me in "Gimme Some Lovin'" at a proper tempo.

He restoreth my faith in the NCAA: he leadeth me to bowl games in warm places for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of BASKETBALL, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me, thy sacred number and thy favorite fruit they comfort me.

Thou preparest a box seat for me in the stadium near to the annoying fans of mine enemies: thou anointest my face with paint and cheery slogans; my cup of unnamed Pepsi Product runneth over.

Surely football players and a marching band shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lesser But Still Sacred Regional Stadium Deity forever.

Amen.

***********

I shall fight the good fight till the end of my days, until all the HOLY PLACES are rendered clean from the evils of STUPID SPORTS.

Yes.

*This entry has been brought to you by the letters which form the words "You suck!" and "I REALLY FUCKING HATE BASKETBALL!" and by the fact that, when donating money to your alma mater as an alumni, you can specify where this money is going to go. Like, not to support the basketball team, for instance.*

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