This is the be-all, end-all of pathetic loserly boredom- an overweight gorilla and Dubya. Wait a minute, aren't they one and the same? 2003-01-16 - 6:18 p.m.
I am really very very very painfully bored. These are some things I would do right now if they would make me less bored:
-randomly start quoting the lyrics of various boy bands to everyone on my AIM buddy list until someone starts talking to me
-set fire to every piece of clothing I own, with my eyes, until someone updates their diary
-pick the fleas off an overweight, gassy gorilla
-attend an all-night marathon of Pauly Shore movies
-go back to high school for a day
-go bar-hopping, in uniform (tight-ass black pants, halter top, and clunky heels) with a pack of sorority girls
-play piccolo literally until my ears start bleeding because I've ruptured both my eardrums
-dress up in an old-style pinstripe suit with spats and a fedora and go on a date with the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover who'll be wearing a white dress a la Marilyn Monroe in "The Seven Year Itch"
-have bathroom clean-up duty after an all night frat party
-attend a basketball game
(Wait no, scratch that last one. I'd rather have my skull slowly torn apart by a retarded sloth with a rusty crowbar.)
-drink an entire pot of coffee
-become a lounge singer, specializing in re-working the hits of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera
-max out both my credit cards at Frederick's of Hollywood and then, properly attired, give a lap dance to a certain high-ranking Republican political official in Washington, D.C.
-run screaming to the nearest ultra-conservative church, and say "I'm pregnant with the Antichrist! Please! Let me have an abortion!"
-change the diapers of 26 hairy old men with diarrhea
-bathe in a tub full of spiders and bugs with lots of legs
-eat at McDonalds, after learning what kind of roadkill their burgers are *really* made from
There you have it folks. Those are some things I would rather be doing right now to alleviate my current state of pitiful, pathetic, nobody-loves-me-cause-I'm-a-loser-who's-stuck-in-Hickville boredom. Now if you would excuse me, I must go look up some N'Sync lyrics. Au revoir.