"I've seen your flag on the marble arch/love is not a victory march/it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah..." 2002-11-16 - 3:26 p.m.
Well bleh. Why are good days always followed by bleh days. Two good days in a row would be a wonderful change.
My mind is full of questions as to what I'll actually be doing in January. There's no use beating myself up about it now, but I know I should have gone to grad school this semester. There were those really good days when I actually practiced flute two hours every day... Ugh. As I am always a bright ray of sunshine (HA), my mood and my outlook are as gray as the sky. Stupid weather. Stupid zero self-esteem. Stupid job and stupid lack of money too. Basically stupid everything.
Well maybe I can convince someone to go shopping at Sears with me tomorrow night. Helping people I like get cheap stuff would make me happy. Being forced to accept returns from stupid old ladies who wear clothes and wash them only then to decide that they are "too stretchy" does not.
Blah blah blah blah blah. I should resign myself to the fact that although I crave attention, companionship, Denny's pie, whatever, it is not going to come.
I want to crawl in a hole and never, ever come out. But I guess I'll just go put on the "Chamber of Secrets" soundtrack (I repeat, go see that movie NOW!) and read or sleep or do nothing.
Here's to being a big nothing. Nothing nothing nothing, that's me.
Happy thoughts? Notes? Oh nevermind.