Tirade against unspeakable evil. And four letter words of unspeakable evil. 2002-11-01 - 11:11 p.m.
*We interrupt this boring, laundry-filled Friday night for an important public service announcement.*
There is a word, a dirty, four letter word that strikes fear into the heart of reasonable citizens everywhere, and at the same time, promotes unadulterated joy among schoolchildren and lyricists like Irving Berlin. I dare not utter this word here, the extent of the power it holds over this little Mangofarmer is too intense.
This word causes some to run for grocery stores and buy milk like there's no tomorrow.
This word causes others, hearty profane souls that they are, to scoff at those that might run out and buy milk, when they themselves are buried in the sheer evil of said word.
This word casts a gloomy pall over such holidays as Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, and Mother's Day.
This word causes college students to go on sprees of petty theft, stealing meal trays from dining halls to use in their acts of debauchery under the influence of said word.
This word causes thousands of senior citizens to flee its unspeakable power, leading them instead to lands filled with cactus, or lands under the control of world-dominating voting booths and Walt Disney.
This word inspires countless mind-controllingly evil ditties, played constantly in shopping malls during certain times of the year, to entice you to spend more money.
This word causes February to be the evil month that it is.
And on a personal note, this word strikes fear into my very core.
Dare I say it? Dare I utter such an absolute profanity? Is this diary not rated 'PG13'?
For the good of humanity, so that good may come from evil, I will say the nasty word:
SNOW.
May God/Buddha/Allah/Mother Nature/Ben & Jerry have mercy on us all.
*This has been a public service annoucement. Sponsored by yours truly. Help keep the Anti-S*** fight alive. Send one dollar, and one hat with all the little dreadlock things with bells on the end to me. Thank you, and good night.*