So anyhooters, here it is:

**************

So, here I am sitting in a warehouse, not selling clothes as there are obviously no rich old ladies nor drag queens here to sell them to. Whomever decided to open this place 9-5 on Memorial Day is undoubtedly an idiot. My co-worker is sleeping in the corner under a lovely plaid coat. The rain on the roof has likely lulled her to sleep, but I-

Woops, an actual customer came in at that moment. Later in the afternoon a family came in with a little boy who expected me to make things out of paper for him. He was not satisfied with my airplane, nor could I figure out how to make a boat for him. I made him one of those little paper foldy things- the ones where you write the names of candy or colors on the outside flaps, have a friend pick one, and then spell it out. You know what I'm talking about, right? Well, that sure shut the kid up for a while. I was tired of him showing off all the Spanish words he knew (he was about five). Me and my five and a half years of French on the other hand? Pitiful.

I despise rich people. Especially rich people who spend two hours in a store, try on at least thirty outfits, walk out with one teensy little shirt, and leave a giant mess in the fitting rooms. Gah.

I've done about ten crossword puzzles today. It's been boring as hell.

I don't think I like capitalism any more. Retail has taught me that. The endless round of buying things and selling things and some people having money to buy things and some people not having money to buy things is yucky. I don't know what I think about communism either. While The Communist Manifesto has its good points, I'm not completely sold on it (Nice Drummer also threatened a whole other conversation on that piece of literature, hehe). Once you read enough dystopian crap you don't want to believe it anyway. Human beings can be born! And read books! And have memories! And pick their own unique names and careers! (Who can name those book references?)

The bottom line here is, I need to create a new ism. I shall call it mangoism. This system shall be based on the barter of mangoes, of course, as money will be unnecessary. The retail industry will be eradicated. No middleman needs to make a profit off of selling crap and shmoozing. Goods will be make available at their place of production. When you need something, like say a shirt, you go to the shirt factory, give them say, two mangoes, and get your shirt. Guidelines will be set- no overbartering- you trade for what you need only, in terms of silly material goods like clothes and shoes *shudder*. Music and books will be special exceptions- you can barter for those as much as you want (except for the crap they call 'pop' nowadays- owning a Britney Spears CD might land you a decade of forced labor on a mango farm). Intellectual, literary, musical, and artistic pursuits will be prized above all things. Jocks will be picked last to use the kiln in ceramics class. Free college and graduate school for everyone (it doesn't cost any money anyway, as there is no money)! Sports will be regulated. NASCAR or the WWF will not be allowed. Nor are video games. TV will be regulated, as in no reality shows allowed. TRUE freedom of religion will be prized ("mind your own goddamn business" is a state motto). Proseletyzing (sp?) is an offense punishable by life's forced labor doing something horrible I can't think of right now. Conservatives are of course non-existent.

The leader of the mangoist society? Mangofarmer, of course. Well, not so much leader as Grand Poobah (that's a great word), Number One Visionary, and Head Mango Farmer. Where will the first colony be located? Tahiti, of course. Who's with me? As in, who wants to buy me a one-way ticket to Tahiti? It's for the good of humanity, I promise!

*************

There you have it. That started out as a day in the life of a retail schmuck and turned into an extremely non-well-thought-out philosophy, destined for destruction were it to ever be implemented, as all isms are.

Just in case there was a shred of doubt anywhere, yes, I am indeed totally insane.

ANYWAY, today's reading is The Guns of Navarone. S'alright. Back Craptown-wards on Thursday. Perhaps I will call Nice Drummer tonight. It's not that far from Gradschoolville to here. It could happen... or not. Heh.

Have a good day all.

2 comments

previous - next

Designed by georgedorn and provided by Positronic Design.
Grab your own copy here.