There were only two people on my audition panel- the marching band director and Scary Old Guy flute teacher, who was there before Bitchy McEvil. I played a simple little Handel sonata and the very same Mozart concerto that I had played for solo festivals three years in a row. I had nothing else to play, and no private teacher to coach me. Once I was a music major, the amount of background my fellow music geeks had had amazed me. Private lessons since whenever they started on their instrument, AP music theory classes, piano lessons on the side, music camp in the summertime, blah blah blah. And college was the time that they (or their parents!) were upgrading their instruments to the really expensive professional models. No dice for the poor little dork from Craptown. Believe me, I soaked up every ounce of musical involvement I could. I was "one of or maybe the best flute players ever" from my high school, and probably the only one to go on to major in music. But I think most hometown geniuses and otherwise talented people are faced with this quandary- when you go to a bigger school (and I wouldn't have it any other way), there is always going to be someone better than you, someone smarter than you, etc. For a while my inner perfectionist found this hard to accept. I was special in high school! Really. But I got over it. I was in orchestra my junior year, and wind ensemble my senior year. I did pretty well with what I had. I had to, because, since my identity as the "commuter with no car" left me dependent on my dad's schedule. So I spent hours upon hours in the practice rooms. While there was little hope of me being the best technical player, I played like I loved it and it showed, maybe. No education degree for me. In some states, you can teach right out of college. I could have a teaching job right now, and be gaining valuable experience before I get my master's. But I'd hate it. Teaching is not for me, and it is not something to "fall back on".

So here I am. Waiting. Biding my time for better things to come. And they'll come, someday. Maybe in the fall or maybe later. They'll come.

I owe it to myself to snap out of the soul-sucking trance retail has put me in and practice my flute today.

It is a beautiful day. Full of sunshine, and possibility.

(Is it me or did this sound like a Hallmark made for TV movie? Blech.)

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