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Hello, idle web browsers! Hola, anonymous internet stalker-types! Bonjour, les �tudiants fran�ais de la Mangofarmer! Howdy-do, future accountants and garbage-persons of the world! You may think today is just like any other day, but it isn't. It's wonderful. It's spectacular. It's different. It's�

Wait for it� wait for it�

This is the 1000th entry on Sarah Mangofarmer's incredibly boring, super dull online journal-thingie of Doom! Let there be rejoicing and merriment! Mango-flavored margaritas all around! I won't pay for'em all, but I'll order one for everybody!

You may have already guessed it by now, but I am NOT Sarah. Like yourself, I am but a bored wanderer, watching and reading this diary with a mystified _expression on my face. I don't play flute, I don't work at Sizzears, I don�t NOT have a driver's license. I don't not dislike double no negatives, either.

I don't even really have anything to say, so I'm just going to continue on with this spot o' randomness.

I went to Circuit City the other day and was immediately assaulted by fifteen red-shirted goons. They're like rabid wolves, those sales people� Circuit City does not let them out and they've been driven mad with hunger. I walked over to the cellphone rack and the first to approach me ws sputtering and spitting on himself with excitement.

During the holiday shopping season, these very same employees act like forlorn dogs who've been overfed. Even the sight of another bowl of dog biscuits might make them sick up and lose everything! You'll find them huddled in groups of two or three in obscure corners of the store: hiding behind the rack of 'Gospel' CDs, locked inside the soundproof entertainment center demo room, or stuffing themselves in cardboard boxes that formerly contained halfway decent stereo equipment.

I suppose Sarah can relate to those poor fellows. I couldn't imagine doing that for a living� If there's one thing that I've learned from this journal over the past 1000 entries, it's this: Retail is the third layer of Hell. Being Republican may be the fourth. Detroit is definitely the seventh.

As a complete change of subject, can you believe that they charge over a dollar for a Coke?! I was just over at the vending machine in the break room and the injustice of that situation finally dawned on me. It probably takes less than two cents to create and bottle that stuff. With the markup on that stuff, you'd think they still mixed cocaine into their soft drinks!

Anyway, I should probably stop. I'm sure you have all been scrolling down thinking, "When the hell does this entry end?!" Well, don't you worry - I'm almost finished!

Before I go, I'd just like to thank Sarah and her Eternal Boredom for giving me the opportunity to waste countless minutes on this website! I think we can all say the same thing - while it has been a delight, I'm SURE there are better things I could be doing with my time. I could be� learning about the stock market, or mowing the lawn, or something� but I just keep on coming back.

Well, Sarah Mangofarmer, if my mid-life crisis kicks in early 'cause I just haven't done anything productive with my life, I hope you know I'm going to blame YOU! Yes, that's right! You, your sense of humor, your Wonder Cat, your shoe collection and your golden flute!

Thank God/Buddha/Allah/Mother Nature/R2D2/Bill Clinton/Ben & Jerry that all diaries aren't this interesting. I'd never get ANYTHING done!! :)

I don't not no think I'm not no not done now. You may all profess your undying hatred for me and unwavering love for the Mangofarmer in the comment-thingy. Adios, amigos!

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Woohoo! And in other, unrelated news, look at this, and wish you were French:

No more SUVs?

Chloe the Wonder Cat says hello. Okay.

Have a wonderful day everyone. :)

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