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I am alive. I think.
2003-08-08 - 8:14 p.m.


As dear Elana the Super-Cool told me to do quite some time ago, I am now going to write some dear Motherfucker letters. Okay, no, these are still more just like Dear-so-and-so letters. But you get the idea.

Dear Cable Company/Internet Provider,

You suck. You fucking suck. I call you twice yesterday to fix my internet, and it didn't get fixed. I call today, and only then do I get to talk to a "senior technician" how has a clue and starts tinkering with the modem somehow and fixes the goddamn internet. Where was this person yesterday? Hmmm? Hmmm?

Signed,

Irate Customer

*********

Dear internet,

I really am quite addicted to you. Not having you readily available yesterday caused me to Flip Out even more so than I was. I don't need any extra Flipping Out now. Besides, I don't think my dad will respond well to my jovial question of "So, are you going to let me take the computer?" Hahahaha. I might just be computer-less for a little while. Thank the Great Deities there is a computer lab in the building right across the street from my apartment building in Grad Schoolville. Otherwise I might spontaneously combust.

Love,

Your bitch

**********

Dear diaryland,

Please stop writing in your diaries when I don't have internet access. When my buddy list is all red it freaks me out. I get tired. I get sleepy. I get a craving for a mucho mudslide....

Sincerely,

Alcoholic Wannabe #3975493485

************

Dear Sizz-ears,

Why have you brainwashed me into thinking I may just want to transfer to a Sizz-ears in Grad Schoolville? Why? An assistantship is going to magically fall into my lap so I won't need such a silly job.

Also, today was my last day as a Shoe Schmuck at my friendly neighborhood Craptown Sizz-ears. I think the company should have had a party for me. Especially since my birthday is coming up.

With a total lack of respect and an ever-diminishing balance on my Sizz-ears card (thank you, Jeebus),

Ex-Shoe Schmuck #5

*************

Dear Appliance Guy-in-training,

I am convinced you have a wee little crush on me. You looked genuinely disappointed you started talking to me across the breakroom today, and Appliance Lady butted in the conversation and mentioned it was my last day. But you're just not pesky enough. All the other Shoe Girls (and also Junior Manager Girl) seem to go through pesky workplace admirers like yours truly goes through twelvers of vanilla Coke. I need a little excitement in my life. No, not that kind of excitement, and not from you. You're nice, but not my type.

Signed,

The One That Got Away

*************

Dear friend and fellow flutie that went away to school, flipped out, and came home after like three weeks,

What is your secret?

Sincerely,

Remember me? We've barely spoken since high school!

***************

Dear Graduate School of Mangofarmer's Choice,

Would you perhaps consider moving your campus several hundred miles north?

Yours truly,

You cancelled classes for two inches of snow?!?!?!?!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

*************

I think that's all for now. I'm leaving on Sunday I reckon. Woo? Not really. Apparently I am off movieswards now. Have a lovely evening all. :)

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