I, obviously, have nothing better to do. Besides laundry. But that's not really a better thing to be doing.

At 5:30 this morning I had a bunch of entry-worthy thoughts jumbled around in my head. But, at that point, I was already back in bed (I had been awakened earlier by the distinctive sound a cat makes when vomitting/coughing up a hairball/or maybe a little bit of both) and was subsequently too lazy to get back up and go write it all down. What's that you say? A paper journal? I haven't seen mine in quite some time. I believe the last thing I wrote in there was an extensive epistle (about 12 pages) on something that had been bothering me for a while (and no, it did not involve my overuse of parentheticals).

Anyway, it seems I always have thoughts jumbled around in my head at 5:30 AM and I never find a coherent outlet to unload them upon the internet, here on this lovely site, or a poor defenseless piece of paper, a paper journal. Which is perhaps why, when I do write entries here, they are normally comprised of a lot of goofy crap that goes on and on and makes no sense whatsoever. I can't quite remember what I was thinking this AM, but it was probably the same old crap. Maybe perhaps I was noticing the way others perceive me. How quick they are to notice my failures. This is to be expected, obviously, anything other than cookie cutter "perfection" in thoughts and actions from one who has been "perfect" for so long has to attract attention. But maybe my early morning plea? ponderance? prayer? was to ask others to, in pointing out my shortcomings or even telling me how to fix them, actually help me fix them.

Life (and the universe, and everything... ) obviously scares the crapola out of me. Not only does my personality scream this out, but it is apparently written all over my "honest face" and big brown cow eyes. So what am I saying, really? I guess I just miss what I've spent much of my life avoiding- straight-up face-to-face human interaction, with people my own age. I love my sister, don't get me wrong, but I haven't had the kind of friend with whom I could have a heart-to-heart talk for hours in quite a while.

Blarg. There goes my train of thought. So before I go attend to more laundry, let me try and spit out my point. I guess my problem is, I, being the unreasonable shy little scaredy-cat freak that I am, expect my own personal hand-holder to always be there to coddle me along whenever life sucks (read: 24/7/365).

*sigh*

Off to laundry. The mom and the sister are leaving tomorrow. Boo. :(

Happy Sunday everyone. :)

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