Yowza. What a day. :)

My sister and I went to good mall as planned. We spent entirely too much money. Damn you, M@stercard! All the essential damage was done: Borders, Old Navy, Best Buy, Vicki's Secret. Oh yes. And, you will all be proud of me: I picked out a shirt in Hot Topic, that my sister bought for me with her discount card or whatever it is. She wanted to buy me new *ahem* body jewelry, but the big dangly cherries and other crap are just not me. Oh well. For lunch, we chose Restaurant A mentioned a few entries ago (yes, thank you for all the suggestions). I had a crab cake sandwich and a mango margarita and it was heavenly.

So we get home. Later on, my dad (obviously after he had been enjoying the companionship of a certain Mr. Chymes, hailing from a distillery in Canada), decided he wanted my sister to drive to pick up a pizza. Scared, I decided to take a peak at this spectacle from the kitchen window. I saw her run over the back steps. I did not see her allegedly rape a pricker bush with a midsize Mazda. I don't really think I would have wanted to.

Oh but it gets so much more interesting! We had just been enjoying our wonderful cheap pizza, when in walks......

Cousin Bobo!

(Bobo is short for something, but no one really remembers exactly...)

Now, I don't guess I've mentioned this colorful individual before. This is my dad's oldest cousin (he's only nine years younger than my dad)- but the one that acts like he's still about 25. So yeah. Bobo is my dad's favorite cousin. They were talking about how my dad sees Bobo more than he see's Bobo's brothers, who live here in Craptown. In my dad's defense, one of these brothers is the manager of a local bank, therefore making him too good for the likes of us. ;)

Anywho, being the oldest, Bobo still remembers what it was like "in the old country". My grandparents actually moved here when my dad was three, so my family was a bit late in moving to America. My grandfather's younger brother, Bobo's father, stayed on a good bit longer. Long enough, in fact, for a young Bobo to see a U.F.O.- a sign, which told him to come to America. I kid you not. You see how it is though? Other immigrants came to America in search of jobs or better lives or what-have-you. My relatives came to America because the aliens told them to.

So anyway, my usually quiet and taciturn dad becomes quite animated when Bobo is around. Here were some of the evenings conversational topics and tidbits and such:

-skydiving (a sport that apparently Bobo has recently taken up)

-Ralph Nader

-the "Mangofarmer" family and how they probably rightly own half of Texas, due to a wandering great-grandfather, who left Ukraine in his youth to travel to Australia, then South America, up through Central America, and on into Texas, likely leaving bastard children wherever he went (by saloon girls, as my sister, who is looking over my shoulder, has just reminded me, hehe)

-Bobo's toenail painting incident

-how Uncle John (Bobo's and my dad's other uncle) "saved his hair"- I mean, we're talking a combover that works here

-the book entitled "Uncle John and Bobo: Our Family Owns Texas"

-the sequel to this book, entitled "Bobo's Quotes"

-my dad and his own urge to go skydiving- as he has a "pilot buddy" who has let him "fly" a plane (!)

-my dad's English lit professor, who was a leading authority on the "Andy Griffith Show"

-Bobo's meeting in Mount Airy, NC with the actress who played Aunt Bea, and how he stole one of her pies

-golfing with various other cousins

-trying to figure out which family members are or are not currently living in America

-the fact that Osama bin Laden is currently a pinboy at a Craptown bowling alley

-the stupidity of Americans and how they believe all the horseshit the media tells them to believe

-how, according to my dad, "The Patriot is a really good movie" because it is about how the liberals, like Mel Gibson (not his character, mind you, we're talking about Mr. Gibson himself) founded America

-the irony involved in the fact that Bobo can go skydiving and not die, but he can help fix his father's garage roof, fall five feet off a ladder, and, er, have a near death experience

-how, my dad noted, that similarly people swim the English channel all the time, but yet others drown in their bathtubs

-how Colorado and Texas share a border (or not- I had to check the map three times to confirm this fact for them, as they wouldn't believe me)

-the yearly tomato wars between Colorado and Texas....

-how, according to my dad, the real cause of the war is not suspected weapons of mass destruction- rather, it's the fact that Saddam is hording all the tomatoes in Iraq- "No tomatoes for you!"

-Bobo: "I used to be a hunter, and I would look up and see birds all the time. But I never got any of them."

-how Bobo has been out for jogs here in Craptown, and how he sees these houses that he swears weren't there before.... Dad: "Well that's because you were on drugs in the seventies." Bobo: "Well, that's besides the point."

-Sarah: "Did Uncle John and (my grandfather) have the same mother?" (recall this was the wandering great-grandfather) Bobo and Dad: "Oh no, no, let's not get into that!"

-on these jogs, people come up to Bobo and "Hey Bobo, how is your cousin?" (meaning my dad)

-comparisons of fake parachutes used for jumping off of roofs- umbrellas, bedsheets, etc.

-Bobo: "Science is not bald." Dad: "Yeah, but why is your brother (the bank manager)?"

I think that's all I can remember- it really is a pity I was not writing this all down as it happened. There is nothing like a couple of drunken Ukrainians for relentless telling of tall tales and other such family legends. :-D Before Bobo left tonight, my dad yelled at him and said they all (meaning all the other cousins) have to get together within the next few days- most likely to go annoy Uncle John the combover wizard. The fun never ends. :)

That's all or now. All in all, a very lovely day. Goodnight all. :)

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