Well. At work today I spent most of my shift doing other people's work (mainly clean out the fitting rooms). People complain that they don't get enough hours. Because they don't actually do their work! Dumbasses. I can be as lazy as the best of them, but, oh, I don't know, if I *have* to be at work I'd rather be doing something like, oh, I don't know, WORK. Maybe I'm just incredibly weird. But I think I'll wait till I get a real job to start slacking off at the job.

Wait... a real job? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah.

Also, one guy was quite disappointed that we didn't have any more yellow winter coats. So I called some other stores. Other Sears stores, mind you. After that, he wanted me to call JC Penney's. Well, um, no. I felt bad for the guy, because he was actually nice. But I think the day Sears has the numbers of JC Penney stores on speed dial will be the day that the New York Philharmonic has ME on their sub list. On speed dial, of course.

*************

I'm getting tired of talking about my boring life. I've been feeling slightly invisible lately.

Oh well. I think I'll tell a story or two instead of whining about being lonely and bored and boring.

When I was little, one summer afternoon my next door neighbor and I were bored. So we decided to dig a hole in his backyard. First we decided to enlist the help of his older friend up the street. Then we started to dig.

We encountered all sorts of broken bottles and rocks and trash and things. After all, according to neighborhood legend, my street was built on a garbage dump. Then we found what appeared to be pieces of petrified paper.

"Papyrus!"

Columbus? Nope. The Vikings? Nope. Apparently it was the ancient Egyptians that discovered America.

***************

I remember the day my dad brought home my first rental flute. It was sitting on a shelf in the kitchen, for some unknown reason. I went over, opened the case, and attempted to put it together.

"Play something," my dad said.

"I don't know how!"

I couldn't stop giggling. After about ten minutes, I'd gotten the three pieces together into something resembling a flute. I took a deep breath and blew into the mouthpiece. then I giggled some more.

***************

There was one soccer practice on a particularly beautiful fall day that is hard to forget.

Coach Buttmunch (not his real name) said "Okay ladies, we're going to do (such and such a drill)."

One particular little seventh grader with a long mop of frizzy curly hair (yours truly) did not take this well.

"I'm not a lady, I'm a woman!"

Everybody laughed at me.

Then we started the drill, which involved Coach Buttmunch dropping the ball in the middle of the field, and two players running at it from each side. The object was to try to get the ball to the opposite side of the field to "score". My partner in the drill was this snotty girl that for some unknown reason, absolutely hated me. We'll call her Prissy McSnot (not her real name).

Prissy says, as she is kicking the soccer ball, and almost winning the drill, "So Sarah, you think you're so great? Well you're not. You suck."

(I swear I am not making that up. I never understood what I ever did to this girl. I was a horrible soccer player and she was not, I admit that. I did not put a blight on any soccer team after that. But she was a horrible person.)

After a good bit of struggling, when Prissy was about to win, I managed to get the ball, and triumphantly careened across the field.

"Yes. Yes I do."

**************

Enough storytime. Goodnight all.

0 comments

previous - next

Designed by georgedorn and provided by Positronic Design.
Grab your own copy here.