(cue theme from "Psycho")

Internet: Would someone please tell this girl not to write anything unless she has something interesting to say? I mean, seriously. BO-RING.

Al Gore (sobs): My beautiful internet, my lovely invention, cluttered with such garbage.

(Al Gore exits, leaving for vacation in Florida.)

Vanilla Coke: fizz! fizz!

Computer chair: CREEEEEAAKK!

Sarah (laughing evilly): A-ha! My plan for world domination is working. By subjecting everyone to my stupid drivel, and consequently making them stare at the computer screen for hours on end, I am using a powerful mind control tool that, through the use of electromagnetic fields and/or vanilla Coke, will suck all the excitement out of everyone's lives and will make them as bored, boring, and loserlike as me! Isn't that right, Mr. Wigglesbean? (for lack of a white Persian cat, our villain instead strokes a 1000 sheet roll of toilet paper)

Roll of toilet paper: (says nothing, but leaves this sad little play feeling clean and fresh)

(Local dialup internet provider guy enters, wearing black cape and funny black mask)

Local dialup internet provider guy: Hohhh-purrrrrr! Sarah, I am your ISP!!!

Sarah (looks really shocked): Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Nooooooo!!!!!!

(Roll of toilet paper falls from Sarah's hand)

Local dialup internet provider guy: Hohhhh-purrrrr! Pick up your telephone, you know it to be true! (picks up Roll of toilet paper) Hey, is this the kind with the baby on it? My favorite!

Vanilla Coke: fizz! fizz!

Mel Brooks: May the Schwartz be with you!

(scene fades to black, as Sarah sobs in the corner, lamenting the loss of both her cable internet access, and her soft toilet paper)

*****************

That being said, time to do something useful...... maybe...... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

(Kill me now please, I have SERIOUSLY lost my mind.)

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