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2002. It came, it saw, it sucked ass. Or did it?
2002-12-31 - 2:12 p.m.


Songs of the moment: Weezer - "My name is Jonas", Dave Matthews Band - "Bartender", The Beatles - "When I'm Sixty-Four", Nirvana - "The Man who sold the world", Herbie Mann - "One Note Samba"

Well. I guess it is the last day of 2002, which naturally has made me feel all philosophical and reminiscent and such. So since I have nothing better to do, current location notwithstanding, I will indeed bore you with a recap of my year to the best of my ability. Because I'm evil like that. :)

I think I will take a cue from the very wise minderella and do this in monthly order.

January: Had just got back from a lovely trip to Arizona. Had three graduate school auditions in a three day span (all were up the same stretch of interstate). School A was obviously my first choice, with an amazing teacher, great band program, and the generally cool atmosphere of one of my favorite cities. School B was my last choice. The teacher was new, young, and she tried hard, but the campus itself looked like a mental institution and the students that I met were really not nice people. Excuse me if I am not cool enough to play marimba in the middle of the hallway. :-P School C had the beautiful campus in it's favor. Nice teacher too, but it just wasn't School A! Got home, and my final semester of college began. Marked early on by senseless tragedy and me beginning to know something. Did not drop psych class of death. Later regretted it. Stupid psych minor. Started taking composition lessons.

February: Attended concerts, recitals, etc. The usual music school goings-on. Began to spend an inordinate amount of time hanging out in the lounge and the cafe in the building next to the music building. Began to understand why. Got acceptance letter from School C. Flute teacher was surprised as hell upon hearing about this. The bitch. Was mad because I didn't get to play in corny arrangement of "Simple Gifts" at band concert. Began to have moments when I felt like melting into the floor or jumping out the window when sitting in class.

(Am I boring you yet? I am? Good!)

March: Another spring break spent sitting at home. Woohoo! Got acceptance letters from School A and School B. Played two pre-recital juries in one weekend. The first one (not mine) went really well. The second one (mine) did not.

April: Concerts, recitals, and general craziness. Spent $17 to fax paper of death to psych professor after hours. Got a B. Got an A- on the rewrite. Told School A that I would be going there in the fall. World premiere of "Three Mango Pieces" for solo flute. Played in one recital the day before mine. Went very well. My recital was, well, cathartic. Played Chaminade - "Concertino", Kennan - "Night Soliloquy", P.D.Q. Bach - "Sonata Piccola", Ibert - Entr'acte for flute and guitar, Reinecke - Concerto in D Major. Played in last band concert. Did not even play in the last piece. How craptacular. Last day of classes senior year was as surreal as the first day of classes freshman year. Evil flute teacher hugged me. Wanted to go home and shower after that.

May: Got e-mail of death from flute teacher. Graduation. Celebrated graduation by getting belly button pierced. Was almost late for commencement, having run all the way up the hill, putting robe and ugly hat on as I ran. Had hat knocked off during ceremony by inflatable raft. Was also hit in head by the usual beach balls and blown-up condoms. Drove for an hour afterwards to eat with family in glorified Pizza Hut. Bought alcohol for the first time- a six pack of Smirnoff Ice. Ewwwwww. Started summer work at the little grocery store.

June: Played gig at good mall. Hung out with the girls afterwards. The next weekend, played at best friend's wedding. Was very weird. Oh well.

(It only gets more boring from now on...)

July: Was given more hours at the grocery store. Had loads of fun carrying around cases of Snapple and boxes of bananas. Began to experience feelings of doubt. Flute playing began to slack off.

August: Gave notice to grocery store, fully intending to leave for school. Yet told School A flute teacher that I was not coming. Started writing in this diary. Felt weird not starting band camp (once a band geek, always a band geek). Had the best birthday ever.

September: Spent much of the month moping and feeling sorry for self. Applied to work at Sears. Started at the end of the month, and hated it.

October: Work got a little better. Flute playing did not. Continued moping.

November: More moping. Thanksgiving. Went to a football game on campus. Saw people.

December: Moping. Retail, and other things, officially killed any remaining Christmas spirit. Told School A teacher I wouldn't be coming in January either. Left for mom's house in Hickville just before Christmas. And that's that.

************

Some year, I guess. Reached the pinnacle of success and then crashed down to the bottom, wallowing in personal failure. And, I guess, it was satisfying, if only because it felt a relief to finally be released from the chains of too-high expectations. The chains of shyness still hold me down, however.

I thought maybe I could end this entry by being brave, and doing the one thing I could not do all year. No such luck, I'm afraid. Maybe next year. Happy 2003 everybody.

Off to an exciting New Year's Eve of watching the Twilight Zone marathon and generally sitting on the couch! Woohoo!

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