-I missed Charlie Brown. And I missed Rudolph too apparently. No wonder I haven't been feeling Christmasy. Now, if I miss The Grinch, I just might cry.

-The chamber orchestra concert yesterday was exceedingly long. They played selections from "Amahl and the Night Visitors" which definitely had piccolo in them. Phooey. Whether it was scored for two or three flute parts I have no idea, I'm not actually familiar with the piece. But still. They didn't even play any of the good parts from "The Nutcracker" (aka, parts with piccolo) and their rendition of the "Hallelujah" chorus with part of the high school choir was less than inspiring. With a community orchestra, that piece screams audience participation. ;) I admit I never did know that "La Boheme" takes place on Christmas Eve- they played a selection from that, and that was nice. I did mention to my high school music theory teacher (she's the concertmistress) that I would be sticking around for another semester, so maybe I'll get lucky and get some piccolo parts. Please forgive all the music talk, this place is so soul-suckingly dreary, and well, un-musical, that sometimes I forget that's what I do.

-I have till Thursday to tell the flute teacher I'm not going in January. Will it be horrible to say so in an e-mail? I guess the fact that I'm not going is horrible enough. Well-meaning comments of "you're too smart and too talented to stay here and work at Sears" are much appreciated, it's just that, practical considerations of lack of money and lack of place to stay once I get there aside, how can I completely dedicate myself to my music, attack the Prokofiev and maybe the Ibert and whatever else I should be playing right now with my whole heart and soul, when I'm not sure how much of a soul I've got left? I need time to regrow a soul. I wish the psychotherapy of soul regrowth worked the same way that Madam Pomfrey regrew Harry's bones in "The Chamber of Secrets" (I can hear you laughing- stop it!). A new soul just like that. Minute rice? Try minute soul. Minute sanity too. So yeah. I need time.

-I think I'm beyond petty jealousy. I think I'm somewhere around wishful, unrequited longing, but seriously, why does everyone suddenly have a "Someone" and I don't? Am I breathing the wrong oxygen molecules or something, because apparently the ones about 17 billion molecules over (that's probably not a large distance molecule-wise) are the love molecules. Really now. Who got the dibs on the good air?

-On that note, the random guy I danced with at the Sears Christmas party was in the store today with his friend and I think he said "Hi" to me, but I'm not entirely sure. The cute electronics guys are still cute, but I think there's a few too many air molecules floating around in their skulls where their brains should be.

-The store has adopted a needy family. I think this is good. Maybe I'll buy some books for the kids. I'm always buying books for my little cousins trying to get them to read. How annoying I must be. ;)

-My books are due at the library in two days. Finishing 300 pages of "The Shelters of Stone" does not appeal to me. But I've left so many books unfinished in my day that I'll just feel guilty if I don't finish it. I should be reading that little Margaret Atwood book or perhaps a little "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency". But no. Oh such tedium.

Well, I think that's about it for the moment. Onwards to a fun-filled evening of doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself. I excel at both things.

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