Maybe tomorrow I'll be motivated to go to the good mall and see "Punch Drunk Love". We'll see. I guess it's Election Day tomorrow too. Big deal. I have voted in every November election since I turned 18. I guess I'll keep my streak going. Just remember, "Friends don't let friends vote Republican!" ;)

Um. I dunno. I'm trying to think of more random crap to write.

Hmm. Just once (at least) in my life I want someone to give me a dozen red roses. On my birthday would be nice, but for absolutely no reason would be even better. "We're just two lost souls/swimming in a fishbowl/year after year. Running over the same old ground/what have we found/the same old fears. Wish you were here." Absolutely. The problem with that is, I know I'm lost, but the world is a pretty big fishbowl. A big, dirty, murky fishbowl. And I don't know who I'm supposed to be lost with. Some guy with arms. And beautiful eyes. Who'll give me roses for no reason. stupid fishbowl.

"And I wonder/still I wonder/who'll stop the rain." I walk such a thin line between sunshine and rain. I'm so close to my former self. A "me" with an illusion of happiness. This other self seems close, to me anyway. I guess to others it's the rainforest versus the desert.

I could sit here and beg and plead to know what I did wrong, if I'm really that boring, to merit being completely forgotten. Maybe my problem is I'm way too sensitive for my own good. I could just be dreaming things. After all, I'd gotten used to being the quiet one anyway, the girl people left in the corner when someone more interesting or outgoing came into the room. But it still hurts. Especially on a larger scale. Abandonment, real or imaginary, hurts me like a punch in the stomach. Stupid fishbowl.

I guess I could hang out with the people from work. They're all nice enough. Just emptyheaded. And a little fake. I must be such an intellectual snob to pretend that I'm any better than they are, just because I have a four year degree from a prestigious university. My plans for graduate school were put on hiatus to work at Sears, after all. They're all working to put themselves through the community college, to major in business or nursing or other subjects that will qualify them as useful members of society, when I'll end living in a dumpster with my flute. Still swimming in that stupid fishbowl.

Well, maybe I am a little bit deeper than those kids. After all, they're all in their first year of school. And compared to them, I'm old! I may still only look about 17, but a certain amount of wisdom simply comes wrapped up in age.

Oh well. I should shut up and got to bed, so I can try to be useful on unwanted day off #3. Goodnight.

(By the way, how fun is that sitemeter thing? People from Canada, the United Kingdom, Denmark, Malaysia, and Australia have read my diary. That's exciting. Thanks for stopping by. :) )

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