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What did I do to be so unloved and forgotten? I've always been stupid and boring and quiet, and that worked for me before. People lead their lives. They have their own lives, and I completely lack one. I sit here and reminisce about the past and the good times I had without realizing it. Without even paying attention. Memories. A conglomeration of memories is all my life has become. I remember what I used to be as opposed to what I am and it's sickening. I suppose people naturally forget about those that have become invisible. Quiet shy little people. Shadows of their former selves that are still here, and still wanting to be loved. Failure happens to everyone at some point. You become something you don't want to be. Or you stop being something that you were. Why abandon those who have failed when nobody is perfect? Why go about your own lives in such a carefree way, when some want nothing more than to know what they did wrong. And wonder if they were too quiet. Wonder if it really does not pay to take so long to open up with people. Because then when people begin to forget about you, to find other interests, and other more interesting people, it hurts so much more. Because you worked so hard to get to be intimate, to be able to be yourself. "Hard to read", maybe. But that's why one should read the classics. "War and Peace" is so painfully boring, but you feel truly enriched to say you've actually read it. It is worth it. Do not throw books away. Stick with them. Work at it. Read the difficult books. Remember your quiet, shy friends, even when you've found other more interesting ones. I wonder why people even paid attention to me at all. Especially the fun ones. A fun one. I had the best time I've ever had in my life, I was so close to being myself. Because underneath the quiet exterior, there's truly a fun person waiting to get out. But it takes so much time. So much time that was put in and yet my stupid little mind wonders where it went. Why I was forgotten so easily. What I did wrong. I am still where I was. I may have failed in so many ways, and perhaps the fear of failure keeps people away. The dislike of boredom and being around people that really cause them to become bored. I would say it would have almost been better not to have spent the time at all but that would eradicate the happy memories that I have depended on. One quiet little person was happy for one day. I have to remember that, and be thankful. But there have been an endless stream of days since then. And I still wonder why? What did I do wrong? Am I that boring? I wish I could know why others seems to hate me. Allow me honest justification in hating myself at least.

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Wow. Um yeah. Glad I got that out of my system. I should probably go to bed and finish the rest of my free hour sleeping.

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