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Harold the washer and Maude the dryer hereby list fun things for Sarah to do at work
2002-10-24 - 11:05 p.m.


Hmm. I can't seem to decide if I'm sick or not. A cough here, a sneeze there, plugged up ears everywhere. Maybe I have an ear infection. Like a two year old or something. I should move to Sweden. Not that that has anything to do with being two or having ear infections. But it would be something to do. Therefore, giving me something exciting to talk about.

Work keeps getting more and more uneventful. No new interesting shoplifting incidents unfortunately. Maybe tomorrow I should try to steal a washer/dryer set at lunchtime to break up the monotony. Maybe I could wheel it down to the other end of the mall and see what JCPenney would give me for it. Or maybe I could name my new appliances Harold and Maude, and take them to the movies, buying them each a ticket of their own. Surely they'd enjoy "XXX". ;)

What I should do really is call up the Seven Eleven in Iowa where they keep Mr. Sears and Mr. Roebuck cryogenically frozen in the beer freezer. Maybe they'd thaw them out for a minute and we could play that game over the phone where you go "I'm going to the picnic and I'm going to bring.. Alvah Roebuck. I'm going to the picnic and I'm going to bring Alvah Roebuck and beer. I'm going to the picnic and I'm going to bring Alvah Roebuck, beer, and the cryogenically frozen (yes "Daria" reference here) pet rat of Alvah Roebuck. I'm going to the picnic and I'm going to bring Alvah Roebuck, beer, the cryogenically frozen pet rat of Alvah Roebuck, and the dead guys that really would like Sarah to shut up now even though they are dead." And so on and so forth until you get to Z. Oh the insanity. Or maybe I should get the goofiest of the old ladies that works there to hold a seance with me in the middle of the shoe department. Perhaps we could contact Sacajawea, Keith Moon, and/or "Mr. Ed" the famous horse, of course. Fun things to do at work, let me tell you.

It's obvious what's really wrong with me. A sucky job. And chronic boredom!

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