I know I'm not normally this inspired in the space of a day, but right now I'm listening to the Dvorak Symphony no. 9, "From the New World". In all my years of being a music geek, this is one of those pieces that everyone else knows so well, but that I just never really got around to listening to much. The second movement of this is so achingly beautiful. Maybe I'm just remembering that I have heard it performed before at the most unfortunate setting. That was the most beautiful and moving performance of any one piece that I'd ever heard.

Now that I've succeeded in thoroughly depressing myself (not that that is a difficult job!), I'm remembering that the chamber orchestra has their first concert on Friday. I made absolutely sure I don't have to work Friday night so I can go. I hope they let me in for the December concert! I haven't heard anything from the director. Hopefully he'll e-mail me this week. I need to be in an ensemble again! I need to have something that will encourage me to practice, because that motivation is sorely lacking coming from myself. It's just so easy to be overcome by feelings of uselessness. I need to be in an ensemble, and therefore I need to be practicing more. And I need someone to hang out with me. Just for an hour even. To rescue me from the depths of pathetic lonely loserdom. Please just tell me what I did wrong. Anyone? I really am that boring, aren't I? I don't live that far away from people. I'm still here. I know I should be 900 miles away. But I'm not. I know it would have been better if I had left. I guess really I stayed in hopes that I could somehow find the happiness that escaped me this summer. Yeah.

It's cold in here.

What I need is for a good silly movie to be on tv. "Conan the Barbarian" would be an excellent choice right now.

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