Anyway, I've actually had a fairly decent weekend. Kind of blah, but well, I'm used to it by this point. I don't know why I'm so bitter all of the sudden. I am on another "Moulin Rouge" kick. Of course since my VCR is still dead, this just extends to the soundtrack, and watching it every time it's on HBO. I also actually finished "Return of the King" this weekend. Any self-respecting geek like me should have read all those books, numerous times in fact, long ago. Oh well. I think I actually liked the third book best. I found myself relating a little to Eowyn. Being abandoned and all. Happiness just out of reach and all that.

Oh, and to top off all of my bitterness, my dad is going to my school's away game this weekend. I asked him if he wanted to go to a home game, just him and me- I'd pay for the tickets, and he said no. But he's going to an away game and he still is not taking me. And now I have to either find a ride home from work Friday night, after eight hours at the goddamn mall, or take a fucking cab. The team kinda sucks this year, true, but the band geek in me wants to see the band. Or even examine the general suckiness of the other band at an away game. I used to be in band. It was fun. I had fun once.

Now I just have a miserable stupid retail job. In spite of myself I've grown interested in the community college stories of all the 18 year old engaged ditzes that work at that store. They actually invited me to go clubbing with them this weekend. Clubbing? Me? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yes I actually have been to a club once. I can't dance. Let's just leave the horror stories at that. ;) I wanted to make it seem like I have a life, so I refused. And hey- why do these kids bring legal people along with them anyway? Oh well. At least the job is getting slightly better. This week they've got me walking around cleaning out the fitting rooms and covering breaks for the cashiers. Which is as dumb and repetitive as it sounds, but at least it lets you move around. I actually bought an article of clothing there the other day, reaping the benefits of *gag* my Sears Associate Discount card. Although the Man tells me to get an actual Sears card, I completely refuse.

I have to admit, I've been horribly lax in my flute playing, and this disgusts me above all things. It's just amazing how actual practice rooms are much more conducive to practicing than my house is, with books, TV, computer... yeah. I've lost my rhythm of practicing time and I can barely squeeze out an hour a day if I'm lucky. Incredibly disgusting for a future graduate student in flute performance. I just feel, sometimes, like I reached my peak already. I had an amazing senior recital. Technique-wise, it could have been better, but musically I wiped the stage with my soul and no one seemed to care anyway, so what's the point? I guess that's what happens when you're a musician. You have to realize that not everyone was born with a silver flute in hand and a full ride to Juilliard. But then you realize that you're doing what you were born to do. I play the flute. That's what I do. I'll be condemned to living in a box on the street. Or I'll have to deal with hellish day jobs forever. But if that's what it takes, bring it on. Right now I need to kick myself in the ass and get back into practicing seriously. For myself. Because there is also a point where you realize that sometimes no one you know is going to come hear you play, unless you magically acquire a giant grasshopper accompanying you on the kazoo.

Ewwwww. If anyone reading this feels like I'm way too young to be so bitter, please feel free to throw the rotten vegetables of your choice at the computer screen now. But I still need a goddamn ride home from work on Friday. :-P

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