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--> insert appropriately mopey title here<--
2002-10-08 - 8:41 p.m.


It has come to my mind once again, that my dad did not go to a single one of my college band concerts. Not a single one. In fact, the one time he saw me perform in my college career, outside of marching band, was at my junior recital. I'm not quite sure what his good reasons were for not attending my senior recital. Especially since my mom drove 15 hours to go to it and went out of her way to help with the reception afterwards. Ha, maybe it was simply the fact that she was there...

As I've said before, I commuted to school- I went in with my dad everyday because campus was only a few minutes from his office. So he had to stay and wait for the concerts to finish anyway. I'd make a brief appearance at the reception after the concert, grab a few cookies and crackers, and run out, with the excuse that I didn't want to make my dad wait. Which he always did. He didn't go to a single concert. Not even the year I was in orchestra at school. I guess it must be imminently more exciting to sit at a bar by oneself or sit in an empty office and do nothing than watch your own daughter do the one thing she's good at. Yes it's great that he went to a football game every year, but the fact that I was in the marching band was only an afterthought.

Granted I am a miserable wretch of a person with a self-esteem the size of a little baby pea, and I have a tendency to take everything the wrong way, but well, playing the flute is what I do. Performing is the one time I feel really confident. How can I put on this act if the people I love aren't there to see me? He went to my band concerts in high school. He looked almost proud, senior year, after my somewhat inauspicious solo debut with my high school wind ensemble on (don't laugh- this piece is so much simpler than it sounds) "Flight of the Bumblebee". The band director, percussionist that he was, thought it would be cool to showcase the talents of myself and a senior saxophonist by giving us each these "difficult" solo pieces to play with the band. It was a little silly, but I guess band parents are easy to please. Anyway, I don't see what difference a 35 minute drive that has to be taken anyway makes. Four years, no concerts. Not that I had any entire solo pieces to myself, but I played some little solos here and there that made me quite proud of myself, if I can wallow in my arrogance for just a minute.

Oh well. Moral of the story is, if you have kids or plan on having kids, and you have the means, go to every single one of their concerts/soccer games/dance recitals/karate matches/science fairs/bug collecting showcases that you can.

Well that's my sermon for the day. I really have nothing else to say. Today was a complete waste. I took a three hour nap this afternoon not because I was sick or tired, but because bed seemed like a good place to hide. *sigh* But there is that produce-related festival this weekend, and I think I'm actually going to get to go. I miss people right now though. Better to have something to look forward to I guess. Better to bemoan not the fact that I have no friends, but to realize instead, and be happy, in a bittersweet kind of way, that I had friends once and they have moved on to their own lives. Unfortunately I have stayed the exact same person since high school. And in the same location too. Perhaps therein lies my problem.

Bah. Enough moping. I was looking out the window this evening, and this little cat was looking at me. Maybe it was something about the light at that point, but it looked like some kind of miniature alien was sizing me up as a candidate for abduction. E.T. phone home, already.

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