*turns vacuum off*

Now, do you hear that? Listen closely. What? You don't hear anything? Exactly. That is my life. A giant void of nothingness. After all, nature abhors a vacuum. And lazy people like myself who clean only once in a blue moon do too.

Well anyway, the friendly manager person from Sears called earlier and asked me if I could come in for orientation tomorrow night. I lied and said I had plans, so I'm going in in the afternoon instead. Does that make me evil, or a pathetic loser? And if so, which is worse, the fact that I lied and said I had plans, or the fact that I have no plans? I could plan on watching "Miss Congeniality" for the 35788124th time (damn HBO straight to hell). I have yet to figure out what I see in that movie. I guess it's just that I see Benjamin Bratt in that movie.

Stupid stupid stupid job. To think I could have a stupid job, albeit 900 miles away, and be in graduate school right now. Instead I am rotting here, sitting on a creaky rocking chair, drinking from an endless fountain of Pepsi Blue (ewwwwwwwwwwwwww), watching an endless parade of 30000 mulleted rednecks with pit stains (and their scary-ass pit bulls), on the front porch of hell, simply looking forward to nothing but a stupid job. And vacuuming the couch.

Maybe someday I'll cease to be a whiny, bratty, little baby. Maybe someday I'll be Miss America too.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Thankfully though, for right now I promise to shut up. That, my friends, would be even better than world peace.

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